Glowminded

As parents, it’s natural to want to fix our children’s problems when they are sad or upset. We want to offer advice, make it all better, and find a solution to their problems. However, sometimes our well-intentioned words can actually make things worse. Here are some things your child doesn’t want to hear when they’re sad, and what you should say instead.

1. “Don’t be sad.”
When our children are sad, it’s essential to acknowledge and validate their feelings. Telling them not to be sad dismisses their emotions, and can make them feel like they are not being heard. Instead, say “I am sorry you are feeling sad. What can I do to help you feel better?” This response shows empathy and concern, and lets your child know that you are there to support them.

2. “It’s not that bad.”
When our children are upset, it’s easy to downplay their emotions, especially if the situation seems minor to us. However, what may seem insignificant to us can be a big deal to our children. Instead, say “I understand that this is hurting you, and I am here for you.” This response validates your child’s feelings and lets them know that you are taking them seriously.

3. “You’re overreacting.”
Our children’s reactions to a situation may seem irrational or exaggerated, but telling them they are overreacting only makes them feel worse. Instead, say “I can see that this is upsetting you, and I understand why.” This response acknowledges their feelings and helps them feel understood and heard.

4. “I told you so.”
Even if you warned your child about a situation, telling them “I told you so” when things don’t go well only adds to their pain. Instead, say “I’m sorry things didn’t go the way we hoped. Let’s figure out what we can do to make things better.” This response shows that you are on their side and willing to help them find a solution.

5. “Just cheer up.”
Telling someone to “cheer up” when they are sad or upset is not helpful, and can actually make them feel worse. Instead, say “I know it’s hard to be sad, but you won’t feel this way forever. We’ll get through this together.” This response is encouraging and offers hope, letting your child know that they are not alone.

When our children are sad, it’s essential to be supportive, understanding, and empathetic. Avoid dismissing or belittling their emotions, and instead, offer validation, support and empathy. By being there for our children and helping them navigate their emotions, we can teach them valuable coping skills that will serve them well throughout their lives.